....ok this is just another hippity hop..out of the toungue..no sense matter. I have no one to talk to at this hour and am feeling a huge pang of pain...well emotionaly. Drained...
When I look at myself today, who I see is not me...is a stranger that I created.
Just about two years back...i perhaps had everything I wanted. Love, family, friends and of all Freedom.
Strange how life changed rapidly...bitterness crept in leaving a venomous trail that just poisoned everything in my life.
It just seems that every decision that I ever made was just a futile one...everything wrong. I have created more bitterness in minds of people than the love I could create....of everything that I've ever lost i just feel that I have lost my freedom now....my freedom to be who I am...who ever wanted to be...all that I ever wanted to do....and I have lost my right to be respected. [ or may be I just dont derserve any! ]
I feel that I am being monitored every second...every intimate second..of every breath that i take, every word that I speak...every move that I make.....
Superficially i might look like a free deer...running in all green pastures....with no harm around....a closer view will say...the green pasture is just a enclosure in a sanctuary...with walls that seem to summon up from no where.....with possibilities of an attack equally possible.
I do not say that all that I've ever done in my life is right....i agree for having made mistakes....but "to err is human"....and if I have erred..why do I pay for it every minute...every second of my life ? why do I have to pay a price at the cost of my freedom.?!
Can't I just lead my life just the way I want to....when I just dont interfere with anyone else...can't I just get the same...if not atleast being treated as a fellow human ?
Saturday, May 31, 2008
just another day....
Had a mixed day today....
Had planned some recruitment initiatives today, did not go through very well.(or perhaps I had not really put in a lot of heart into it).
Boss dear had to leave back to US today...and a colleague travelling along with him. It was nice to see his entire family come by to see him off. Boss, left with some memories of this city, a small scale size model of autorickshaw and a few hindi & marathi terms that we taught him during his stay here with us :)
Went back to office, did some work...and lo! the clock was ticking 16:48 , the weather...sunny! NO BIKe....and left me wondering what to do.
Finally, i called up a friend, who's birthday I had conviniently forgotten in the last week :(, he was in office too...so decided to just drop by his office. He'd planned an evening party, so a lot of other friends were expected too. But they were to take some time...so headed off outside to a "tapari" with some of them who were there for a tiny tea.
So finally...everyone came by, finished some work and then we left for a small joint nearby.Ordered a couple of beers (and some munchies)..discussed who's where....what when hows...and then time to head back home.
I was so full that could not really eat all that mom had prepared for dinner....(Gosh! I am feeling so exhausted today...and I did not even drink more than a mug of beer!!!)
Sometimes I just wonder...a day comes in a day goes...the night draws in.... and think about achievement of the day? NOTHING.....and still I feel exhausted of physical..mental and emotional strength.
Had planned some recruitment initiatives today, did not go through very well.(or perhaps I had not really put in a lot of heart into it).
Boss dear had to leave back to US today...and a colleague travelling along with him. It was nice to see his entire family come by to see him off. Boss, left with some memories of this city, a small scale size model of autorickshaw and a few hindi & marathi terms that we taught him during his stay here with us :)
Went back to office, did some work...and lo! the clock was ticking 16:48 , the weather...sunny! NO BIKe....and left me wondering what to do.
Finally, i called up a friend, who's birthday I had conviniently forgotten in the last week :(, he was in office too...so decided to just drop by his office. He'd planned an evening party, so a lot of other friends were expected too. But they were to take some time...so headed off outside to a "tapari" with some of them who were there for a tiny tea.
So finally...everyone came by, finished some work and then we left for a small joint nearby.Ordered a couple of beers (and some munchies)..discussed who's where....what when hows...and then time to head back home.
I was so full that could not really eat all that mom had prepared for dinner....(Gosh! I am feeling so exhausted today...and I did not even drink more than a mug of beer!!!)
Sometimes I just wonder...a day comes in a day goes...the night draws in.... and think about achievement of the day? NOTHING.....and still I feel exhausted of physical..mental and emotional strength.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Fuel!!!!
Latest thing...fuel price hike has sparked a hyteria in the city. Some fuel stations are shut the others are unreasonably crowded (damn! and its been like this for last 3 days).
Worse..I had absolutely no fuel in my bike (courtesy me ofcoure....I got this habit of refilling fuel only when the fuel indicator on the fuel meter crosses the red mark) and well here I pay a price :)
NO BIKE !!! ... so I travel by these three wheeled tiny little monsters called auto rickshaws that make hay under such circumstances...
Same thing today, no fuel, no bike, take an autorickshaw! As if this is not less, the city traffic...it seems everyone leaves there home at the same time and has to reach somewhere earlier than others! Traffic jams ...exactly at the time when you are in a great hurry...what you do, tell the autorickshaw driver to take another route (mind you, a longer route that is, and you end up paying higher! )
Oh well did I mention the heaven's showering fire...?! yes the tempratures have been soaring in the city. Yeah yeah...know it sounds me cribbing of [hell! what do you expect....no fuel, traffic jam, auto fares, summer heat......phew!!!] Well if you are in this city....you'd just love it (you just have no other option...if you can't beat them..join'em!)
Worse..I had absolutely no fuel in my bike (courtesy me ofcoure....I got this habit of refilling fuel only when the fuel indicator on the fuel meter crosses the red mark) and well here I pay a price :)
NO BIKE !!! ... so I travel by these three wheeled tiny little monsters called auto rickshaws that make hay under such circumstances...
Same thing today, no fuel, no bike, take an autorickshaw! As if this is not less, the city traffic...it seems everyone leaves there home at the same time and has to reach somewhere earlier than others! Traffic jams ...exactly at the time when you are in a great hurry...what you do, tell the autorickshaw driver to take another route (mind you, a longer route that is, and you end up paying higher! )
Oh well did I mention the heaven's showering fire...?! yes the tempratures have been soaring in the city. Yeah yeah...know it sounds me cribbing of [hell! what do you expect....no fuel, traffic jam, auto fares, summer heat......phew!!!] Well if you are in this city....you'd just love it (you just have no other option...if you can't beat them..join'em!)
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